As I sit here at work I quickly flip open my cell phone to glimpse at a picture of my baby boy Sean Michael. He's lying on a blanket, the morning sun pours in from the window and spills across his face and he's simply gazing at me. He's peaceful, beautiful, that time and place was peaceful and beautiful. I can close my eyes now and the memories of that time flood my senses, so still, quiet and sweet, just me and my baby boy. Quickly I have to open my eyes to prevent the tears that hover constantly near the corners of my eyes from falling. It seems such a distant time ago, but it was only 3 months ago.
It was a time of peace something that eludes me quite often in this life, a time of joy and a love so new and instant and pure, and unconditional, the bond between a mother and child. It is during this time that you discover what’s truly important in life and where you so perfectly belong, and that it is for this miracle you were created to care for and love. Why it feels like your heart is literally being torn from your body, when you have to turn his care over to someone else, when it was you who was designed to care and love him. It's not natural to part this early! Everything within me revolted against it. I understood how a woman could leave a hard worked for hard earned career and completely change her lifestyle to have mornings like this. Oh how I understood! I didn’t want to go back! No more mornings like this!? Only mornings filled with the busyness of preparing for the day. I prayed for a miracle that would deliver me from having to go back, but the day came…… and to work I returned. The miracle I received was the blessing of having a job in a recession when so many had lost theirs, but still…….
Now each day I leave him is a little easier, not effortless, but easier. It helps that I work with hundreds of mom’s that do the same each day. I get through my workday and actually enjoy it for the most part. Now when I get home I may actually put him down as I go about and do chores around the house and not feel I have to hold him. Life has continued though I returned to work (as if there was an option). But, I still miss and long for the time when days were longer, plentiful and unrushed. When I was the one that provided the care my baby needed throughout the day and that’s all I wanted to do and be. My joy so overwhelming it left me speechless and all I could do was just hold him and marvel at this miracle God had entrusted me with.
So, my mind goes back to that day when my sweet little baby Sean Michael lay simply gazing back at me as the morning sun streams through the window. I can still feel the silence and peacefulness of that place in time. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, our mornings unrushed were drawing to an end. I remember thinking as I grabbed the camera let me capture on film what has completely captured my heart.
It was a time of peace something that eludes me quite often in this life, a time of joy and a love so new and instant and pure, and unconditional, the bond between a mother and child. It is during this time that you discover what’s truly important in life and where you so perfectly belong, and that it is for this miracle you were created to care for and love. Why it feels like your heart is literally being torn from your body, when you have to turn his care over to someone else, when it was you who was designed to care and love him. It's not natural to part this early! Everything within me revolted against it. I understood how a woman could leave a hard worked for hard earned career and completely change her lifestyle to have mornings like this. Oh how I understood! I didn’t want to go back! No more mornings like this!? Only mornings filled with the busyness of preparing for the day. I prayed for a miracle that would deliver me from having to go back, but the day came…… and to work I returned. The miracle I received was the blessing of having a job in a recession when so many had lost theirs, but still…….
Now each day I leave him is a little easier, not effortless, but easier. It helps that I work with hundreds of mom’s that do the same each day. I get through my workday and actually enjoy it for the most part. Now when I get home I may actually put him down as I go about and do chores around the house and not feel I have to hold him. Life has continued though I returned to work (as if there was an option). But, I still miss and long for the time when days were longer, plentiful and unrushed. When I was the one that provided the care my baby needed throughout the day and that’s all I wanted to do and be. My joy so overwhelming it left me speechless and all I could do was just hold him and marvel at this miracle God had entrusted me with.
So, my mind goes back to that day when my sweet little baby Sean Michael lay simply gazing back at me as the morning sun streams through the window. I can still feel the silence and peacefulness of that place in time. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, our mornings unrushed were drawing to an end. I remember thinking as I grabbed the camera let me capture on film what has completely captured my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment